The delightful DMV

11 Jan 2012 4 Comments

by heathersprague in Uncategorized Tags: 29th Birthday, DMV, worst job in america

I had a birthday this past weekend, 29! I feel kind of old, I mean I realize that 29 is hardly considered old, but its oh so close to 30, which definitely is knocking on the door to terms like older, middle aged, washed up, and so on. For a few months prior to my birthday I was a little anxiety ridden over the big 29, but after awhile I accepted it and realized I am doing okay for an almost 30 year old. I’ve managed to find a man who  puts up with me , makes enough money to support my shoe addiction, loves me unconditionally, the kids, dog, cat, house. Life is pretty good for someone who is NOT yet 30. So after considering all the circumstances I was basically over it. Basically….that was until I had to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license. Here in our town we have a traveling DMV, that comes to the town building every Thursday. Easy enough, I gathered the necessary documents, arranged a babysitter, and off I went. I had somewhere to be after the DMV that required me to actually get dressed that day (thank God), I even put some make-up on and had my hair done (somewhat). To my surprise there was only one person in line ahead of me, a little old farmer man, cute as a button he was. He was sitting waiting because the credit card machine was down at the moment. As I approached the table, the unfriendly DMV lady, (you know they are ALWAYS unfriendly) because they have the worst job in the world right?

don’t ask these ladies though…      hmmm? you be the judge.

So anyways the less than pleasant lady, gives me the usual, you stupid f*@k, why don’t you have the proper paperwork attitude/glare. I assure her I did have my proper paperwork, signed, sealed, delivered, which I am convinced pissed her off further since she now has no reason to be rude to me. Oh but if only it were that easy. She proceeds to look at my old license which was issued when I was married 4 years ago, let me point out that there was a new picture taken at that time as well. She looks at my license, then up at me, then back at the license, she does this for a 30 seconds, and then says, “its our discretion (our? you mean YOUR do you have a mouse in your pocket? bitch) anyways, its our discretion to require you to have a new photo done when you’ve aged enough to deem your current identification out of date” YOU SLUT. That was all I could think. Now she is digging. She then directed me to the bathroom because she said “obviously you’ll want to do something with that hair” THAT HAIR? You mean my perfectly groomed hair that I managed to do with 2 children crawling up my leg, while the other played in the kitty litter like it was a sensory table at the museum, and the dog is running down the street because the invisible fence collar battery is dead, and the dinner I though I would cook incase the DMV line was long is burning, and someone has clearly shit their pants in my bathroom which now feels more like a small gas chamber, all while I pretend eat the meal my daughter just pretend cooked for me in her pretend kitchen, of which if you do not pretend eat with enthusiasm she spins off into a total emotional meltdown. This hair looks pretty damn good considering. “No thank you” I politely declined her offer to go to the bathroom. She points me in the direction of the camera, which by the way is sitting on a table, a normal table while you stand against the background thing. I thought I would point out that the camera seemed to low to get a good shot, nobody looks good in the fishbowl lens floor angle. She snaps the picture, its horrible. I look her in the eye and say, I don’t want that picture, I just want the old one that I look so YOUNG in please. She makes me take another one. Its horrible too. The old farmer guy, still sitting waiting, witnessing this all, says thats a good one young lady. I politely say mind your own business you cant see anything your 100 years old thank you sir, but from where I’m standing its pretty awful. The women proceeds to get up and go to her purse and grabs her scarf and tries to put it on me, EWW do not put your scarf on me I am a low grade germ phob, gross. I say low grade because I’m really not a germ phob, but more of a gross people phob. She wasn’t even gross but her attitude was so I wanted to make her feel like she was. She puts the scarf away, she takes 6 more pictures, all gross, I ask her to put the camera on a stack of books, I know if she just takes the picture from the proper angle I would be happy with it. She wont do it. At this point another DMV worker comes from around the corner and explains to me how to angle my chin down, and put my shoulders back. Ten shots later, and I was partially satisfied, mostly exhausted and settled on one.

29 sucks.

I’ll post pictures when I get the new license so you can compare.