Learning to let the light in

I love being 30! There I said it. For some reason, as I approached the big 3-0 I found myself struggling. I blogged about it if you need a refresher. As I approach the end of my latest trip around the sun (January 7th) I have so many things to say! So many discoveries, mostly about myself. For me it has been a year of letting things go, rising above, and learning to embrace change. My favorite psychic in lily dale once told me that I do not see age or generations I just see people. Although I knew this in a way, nobody ever said it out loud, no one had ever put it into words. This proves very true. I can relate to just about anyone and being a younger mom I often find myself in situations where I totally forget my age, because to be honest it has never really mattered to me. For example, there are times when I want to “drop it like its hot” & “shake it like a salt shaker” and then I remember I am someones mama. Some of my very best friends are 20 years older than me and we never run out of things to talk about. I really feel like I am right there with them in life. I admit I am mostly confused by teenagers. Their clothes have come full circle to the “my so called life” era, as a matter of fact that show should come back…jared leto and all it would be wildly successful. Facebook is no longer cool to them, from what I gather its because their mom and grandma are now trolling around on it. I’ve asked around and they don’t seem to like Miley Cyrus, which is refreshing, but still leaves me pondering…..then who does? I admit it was hard not to get behind “wrecking ball” but then when I witnesessed her giving what I percieved as some form of oral sex to a mallet, my support was over. So here I am. This is the happiest I have ever been, I feel the healthiest I have ever felt and most important I am still learning. Every single day. I was inspired last night by my friend Karen, she is one that is older than me but that I still feel I have so much in common with. We went to a “terrarium and winter bulb making class” I like to do anything with my hands and create so when she asked if I was interested a while back I jumped at the opportunity. It’s also nice to have something to show for my “girls nights out” other than just a hangover. So off we went, I throughly enjoyed making my little garden I will show you a picture! What I gained from the evening was so much more than a garden and some winter bulbs though. See when I walked into the shop where our class was I knew nothing about terrariums or bulbs really. Though I was determined to make the best damn garden or terrarium I could.

It’s good to be ambitious. 

It’s better to step back, breathe, meet people in your community, learn, create, laugh, explore, and feel pride in the imperfection.  My garden was not the best in the building, but it was mine and to be honest I wished I could “honey I shrunk the kids” myself and go sit on the little bench I put in it for 10mins.

When I got home Karen sent me a picture of all of her crafting she has at home. She is making a beaitiful knit blanket (maybe crochet?) she had a cool scarf started. I learned how to knit once, I enjoyed it actually. I always believed I had a little touch of ADHD so it felt good to keep my hands busy while watching a movie or talking to a friend. Yet everytime there was the slightest snag or imperfection I would quit. It would piss me right off. So much in fact, that I gave up knitting. When I told Karen she said “imperfection is part of handmade, flaws and all” 

Karen is so smart isn’t she? This is what my 30’s are going to be all about. Today is proclamation day for me. It should be for you too. Be easy on yourself. Let it go. Rise above it. Learn to love the imperfections. 

Here is my garden

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When I woke up this morning Karen sent me this 

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So I guess my thought is that my 20’s were fun, I acomplished so very much. My 30’s don’t need to be so much about acomplishing, they need to be about learning to let the light in. 

Thanks Karen.

Confused Jedi

It’s no coincidence that most of my blogs either start or end with me being in a grocery store or shopping in some fashion. The reality is I spend a lot of my time shopping. Not in a fun shoe, clothes, makeup kind of way, in a food, toilet paper, laundry soap, coffee kind of way. Did you notice how I didn’t mention diapers? Yes, thats because after 7 1/2, seven and a half SEVEN AND A HALF, years we are now diaper free. Did I say that 3 times? sorry I can’t hide my excitment. Seriously though, it was a good run and I can now proudly say my days of adding to the landfills of the world are over, at least in a disposable diaper kind of way. It has been liberating for me. I have discoverd purses again, leaving the house requires no major planning or packing, and grocery shopping is less expensive! Of course Colton, my golden boy was as easy peasy as they come when it came to getting him over this dreaded potty training hump. He is the golden boy for a reason.

It is NOT for the reason I am about to share though. No sir.

As I mentioned we spend quite a bit of time shopping, and on our most recent BJ’s wholesale run Colton the little gem got rather confused. No he didn’t pee in the middle of the store. I wish it was that simple. Let me preface with this –   we have a very strong appreication for Star Wars in this house.  As I have mentioned in the past, I’ve never actually even seen a movie  and I am not 100% sure that Kody has either, but our kids think that all things Star Wars is the cats pajamas. This has been ongoing for years so we have collected all kind of paraphenalia. PJ’s, legos, stuffed animals, lightsabers by the dozen, yoda alarm clocks, book bags, underwear, I could go on and on. Even Bristol is into it. Many a battle have been fought on behalf of the dark, and um, er… light side? within the confines of this household.

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You don’t really even have to be a fan of the whole saga to know that Darth Vader is the bad guy. Thats obvious right? He just looks scary. Ok so back to BJ’s wholesale. I don’t actually go to BJ’s that often. I enjoy going totally overboard when I go, thus not needing frequent trips. So as I buzzed around and loaded my cart and by loaded I mean I cannot see ahead of me, and can barely push it. Colton has to walk because there is simply no room for him to ride in the cart or under. I am going to paint you a picture of what happend next so stay with me. I was practically done shopping, pushing my cart towards the registers in the main part of the isle with all of my might. Colton likes to explore and lag about 20ish feet behind me looking down each isle then running to catch up. I frequenlty check behind me to see that he is keeping up. I turn my head to check and there he is frozen. Deer in headlights frozen. Not a muscle moving, not even blinking. I call his name “Colton” no response. Now I am about 25-30 feet ahead of him and I cannot see what he is looking at becasue he is looking down an isle. I call his name at least 3 times, no response. I cannot turn my massive cart around, hell I do not even weigh enough to get any backwards motion going. He begins to yell loudly, “bad guy” “bad guy” over and over and then…. he takes off. I abandon ship and run towards my not-so-golden-right-now boy. As I approach the isle I see and hear Colton doing his finest karate chops, running towards what he believes to be none other than the real like Darth Vader at BJ’s wholesale.

Of course when you are 2

THIS….

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Can easily be confused with

this😦 …….

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“Darth Vaders” eyes meet mine. At this moment I wish he was peeing in the middle of the store, yes that would be much easier. I am able to get to my brave albeit confused, jedi just in the knick of time to save this innocent muslim woman shopper from a very powerful karate chop.

What I am not able to save is my dignity.

I apologize profusely, pretend I am explaing to my 2 year old, because lets be real, he isn’t going to get it…maybe your stellar, worldly two year old would but mine I assure you wont because to this very moment he is convinced he saw Darth Vader at BJ’s.

He sort of made up for it at the check out line by showing off his awesome dance moves which can be viewed here (make sure you have your volume on)

The $5.88 big “O”

Things change when you decide to blog about your life. For example, you start looking at your daily happenings through blog goggles, you think “oh I can blog this” or “sure I’ll try that it will be good blog fodder” essentially you become more adventurous and bold, almost as a reporter will walk in the middle or a war zone to cover a story, I too feel like I need to bring the people a worthy read, thus sometimes making a complete ass out of myself. It’s all for your enjoyment. Truth be told I don’t seek out these stories I share, they mostly just happen. Except today, today was different, today I want to discuss, share, and take a stand on an issue that has been bothering me for quite awhile. It happened to me this morning and I need to publicly address it before it happens again.

Today started out as any other day I laid in bed scrolling facebook and emails while Kody got breakfast ready for all three children, made our coffee, fed the dog and let her out  popped out of bed at the first sound of one of my little blessings, and headed downstairs to start the day. Lunches made, clothes on, blah blah out the door we head. After school drop offs I decided to head over to Tops FRIENDLY Markets to pick up a few things. I prayed, I seriously pleaded with God himself to not let me run into anyone. I was wearing brown on black, no makeup, hair disheveled from my massage last night. Looking like a real train wreck. Please God can you please do me this one solid and not let me see anyone I know. He did. I am a good girl and God loves me, I saw not a soul I know. Sorry for those who don’t know me and had to witness it though. Anyways I buzzed around filled my cart, headed to check out and here is where my story begins. I am a stay at home mom, there are days I don’t speak to other adults, there are days I spend my entire day chatting with 2 and 3 year olds, I judge the success of my day by what time I got a bra on or shower, I spend hours filling up online shopping carts with things I will never buy, I know the theme songs to every cartoon on T.V., my heart beats out of my chest with excitement when the UPS or FedEx truck drive by (even if I have nothing ordered) I know about every major and minor news story in real time, I search around the house looking for laundry to make a full load because it’s all done and I am bored and if I could just get a few more dirty things I could start the load thus giving me something to do, I spend hours pricing and planning vacations on cheapcaribbean.com that I will never take. Are you getting the picture? I LOVE my life, don’t get me wrong, this is not me complaining, I’m trying to paint you a realistic picture, so you can understand where my thrill in life comes from.

So back to the checkout line. As you can see it really is the little things that excite me in life. One such little thing is getting all of my groceries in my cart, and the cashier asking for my bonus card and watching what sometimes amounts to over $30 dollars coming off the top of your total. THIS IS THRILLING for me. THIS IS WHAT I CALL LIVING. I’m serious. I am not one of those crazy coupon people, I’ve never used one in my life, I am not trying to get my groceries for $2, I just throughly enjoy watching the little computer screen subtract what my bonus card saves me. Herein lies the problem. The checkout people at Tops Friendly Markets like to ask for your card right when you first get in line, no sir. I will not allow you to scan my card first, thus taking away from me that moment at the end. The proverbial orgasm of grocery shopping. There is no f*cking way. Some cashiers are actually pushy about it. So I have learned to “pretend look” for my bonus card while they scan and bag. I deserve and have earned that moment, and you Jan, cashier lady at Tops Friendly Market are not taking away my makeup-less, black on brown, way to early to be grocery shopping “O”.

She grabbed the card out of my hand. I whip my head around so fast…before I could utter a word BEEP, card scanned. oh no you didn’t.

she did.

It’s not fair and its not FRIENDLY and it’s not right. I need to re strategize because this will not happen again. I know I am not the only person out there who has experienced these thrill crushers, I have even explained to cashiers before that I like to experience the thrill of my savings all at once, once a young male cashier foolishly pointed out that the savings is shown on the bottom of my recipt. YES I KNOW, you little 16 year old wise-ass-dick-head-know-it-all. Your missing the point.

Alas, I am home dinner in crock pot (another thrill of mine- being done with dinner at 10am). I feel a little victimized by the card grabber today, but I assure you this won’t happen again.

Some might say I’m a cheap date….all that thrill for $5.88

bonus card

Aside

Child of the Corn

Let’s just say I’m not cut out for city life. I don’t want to embarrass myself but there’s really no way to write this post without doing so. My very thoughtful husband decided that for my birthday he would surprise me with a trip to NYC, a place that I had never been and actually it’s been kind of my thing, ya know to tell people “I live in NY but have never been to NYC”. There is a gross misconception that most people from out of state have, that if you say NY they assume city. Nope not this chick. Grew up in the corn capital of the world, quite possibly as far away from NYC in the state you could go. As a matter of fact the only other city I had ever traveled to was Chicago for a friends bachelorette this past spring and I was traveling with a pack of professional city dwellers/shoppers. Chicago by the way is beautiful. Clean, user friendly, tourist friendly, by tourist I mean country girl doable. So alas,  Kody my creative, thoughtful guy knew it was a dream of mine to see Lion King on broadway, and to experience the big city life. I wanted to really get a full dose so I wrote a list of things I wanted to do while there. Statue of liberty, ride a subway, FAO Schwartz, central park, street meat, 3 glorious floors of Victorias Secret, and the list goes on. We accomplished them all except the street meat, it lost ALL of its appeal when I actually got close to it. First off I have to be honest and say I was ready to go home about 3 mins into our first cab ride from the airport to the hotel. I squealed like a little piglet the whole time. I have anxiety and control issues to begin with. After check in, we just dove right in, we took the subway to the Statue of Liberty. The subway line we had to take was a bit more outdated than the ones we would come to ride later in the trip. Overall the people were somewhat friendly. It smelled like total garbage shit gross, we were greeted by a singing quartet that were quite good actually. We threw them a dollar thus clarifying to the entire subway WE ARE TOURISTS. whatev. Me personally I was waiting for the subway ghost from the movie ghost to appear. Remember that creeper.

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Lady Liberty was under construction so we admired from a distance and honestly it was colder than a you-know-what so it was fine. We took some pictures and headed to wall street, where men and women (mostly men) ran around like maniacs, throwing back Starbucks, getting brain cancer talking to the little ear pieces in their ears. Total chaos. About 5 mins of that was all I needed. The subway back was much less touristy and I got to experience what the real city dwellers were like. They all looked miserable. In general everyone seems to live on the defensive, and rightfully so. I mean if you think your hometown news is depressing the news reports in NYC are downright horrifying. I get that its a massive city but still it is brutal and sad. Onward we marched, in and out of stores, Rockefeller Center was cool, Kody wanted to take off our wedding rings and pretend to propose to me on the ice so everyone would cheer for us. I declined. We had a good laugh at some of the ice skaters, there were a few that looked like they were all business. They had ear buds/ipods in and were doing what appeared to be choreographed routines although they had ability that likened my own (think bambi on ice) they were really into it. Kody thinks they come down here to “release” from the stress of their city lives. It was good fun. In and out of more stores, all while perfecting my cross walk strategy. I almost got hit only one time, pretty good eh? Kody bought a map but I would only let him look at it in private, I kept saying “put that damn map away people are looking at us” he’s a gem. At one point I put my hand in his back pocket (where the map was) and he looked at me and said “I just want you to know my map is showing” I removed my hand. We ate really well on our trip mostly by recommendations from friends who live in or around the city. Sparks Steakhouse was our favorite meal and we learned about the mob hits that took place there years ago (google it). Don’t say you heard that from me though…

The Lion King was simply amazing, everything I had hoped it would be. It was the most relaxed I was the entire time in the city. We had fantastic seats.

FAO Schwartz was incredible as well, we actually went back for a second time during the trip. Someday we will take the kids back to experience it! We drove around and through Central Park, which is about the only thing green you will find there. It was heartbreaking to see the horses doing the carriage rides. Such a miserable, unhealthy life for those animals.  They were not happy, and really had no dignity. Upon further research I learned these horses are hooked up to carriages for 9 straight hours, 7 days a week, any weather conditions and when retired many of them go sales with unknown fates. Pretty sad stuff so needless to say we did not ride on a carriage. Honestly you can get just the same view from the back of a bike taxi which brings me to probably the most fun we had on our trip! The bike taxi was my decision, and after “discussion” with Kody he obliged. We laughed the whole time as we sped through Times Square. It was so fun and downright hysterical. We held hands which was less of a romantic gesture and more in fear of being plowed over or rear ended by a real taxi. We had to take frequent trips back to our hotel room where I would be writhing in pain from all the walking and stairs. I had blisters and was sore from head to toe. Kody just hung his head in shame and kept mumbling things about how I was not cut out for this. That’s fine I explained, NYC isn’t much of a vacation, it is exhausting, dirty, stressful, and chaotic. I prefer to call it an “experience” as opposed to a “vacation” vacations have sand, sun, water and tequila. NYC only had tequila thus not qualifying for vacation status. at all. I had fun though, I am grateful to have had the experience. I feel zero urge to go back in the near future, but maybe when my blisters heal and the weather is nicer I would consider round 2!

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It’s colder than a…

“It’s colder than a witch’s titty out there” I said to Kody as we climbed into the car from our neighborhood after Christmas party last night. “Colder than a what?” he said. “Google it Kody, its a real thing” I told him. In fact I was right (usually am) and if you don’t believe me, go ahead and google it too. I googled it last night on our short jaunt home and although the saying goes “It’s colder than a witches teat”, I grew up hearing it the “titty” way and the bottom line is, its just fun to say, and thats how my mom always said it.  The party was just  across the street but I refused to walk.

a.)because of the witches tittys and,

b.) because it was practically blizzard like snowing and blowing I certainly wasn’t going to loose my buzz holiday cheer on the walk home because of the blustery conditions.

So I survived yet another holiday season! I am proud to say the tree is still up too, this time last year I had everything packed away and Kody pretty much wanted to live at work to avoid my mania. Since we moved though the house is more spacious, and I don’t feel so claustrophobic like I am being eaten alive by holiday wrapping paper and attacked by gift bags.  I have to admit this has been the least anxiety ridden Christmas in my life. No crying, no emotional outbursts, (me telling the guy at toys r us to “move your ass” doesn’t count). If you read my blog you’ll know last year I had some interesting gifts, remember those light up tweezers? I’ll admit they did come in handy a few times this past year (like the time one of the kids got a splinter in a power outage) no, actually that never happened. Mostly I kept them shoved in the back of my drawer.

Overall our first Christmas in our new home was great, we started the “elf on the shelf” tradition, the kids named him Spiderman. That was mostly a pain in the ass, Kody and I would get in bed and realize we didn’t move the elf. Plus my best estimate is that the kids actually cared about the elf being there for about 6 days, they were extra mindful and courteous to each other then that was over. I’m on the fence about the whole elf thing still.

So just a recap of 2012:

Best Gift: New garbage can (Bonnie redeems herself from the tweezers!! Hooray Bonnie) Seriously though its one of those Simple Human ones and it opens itself and has great capacity, its my favorite gift!

Worst gift (in my opinion) Kody got an ear vacuum. The Wax Vac, to be exact.  That’s right. I don’t care what you say its gross if I ever walk in the bathroom and witness the vacuuming I’m outta here. The giver of this gift scolded me for saying its “disgusting and weird” and told me how dangerous q-tips are. I said “I’m badass I’ll keep taking my chances with my q-tips” has anyone ever heard of death by q-tip? didn’t think so.

So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas or Happy Kwanza or Hanukkah or whatever your thing is. In light of recent events around our country I was just happy to be here, with my holiday bloody mary, 3 happy healthy kids, handsome husband, and always entertaining family!

Also I would have been sad to not be here for the gift of our Obama Chia Pet we are going to grow. I plan to give our commander and chief awesome haircuts all year long and will definitely share with you for you viewing pleasure. If you know Kody then you know poking fun at his extremely conservative self can be just a little fun. My mom bought him the chia pet accompanied with a card cautioning him of the Obamanable snow man on the loose🙂

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Aside

BJ’s “WHOLESALE”

Recently Kody’s grandmother added my name to the family account at BJ’s Wholesale club. Colton and I went this morning to get our club card, which by the way looks more like a mug shot, and off we went shopping our little hearts out! I grew up going to BJ’s Wholesale with my mom, but never really appreciated the bargains until now, obviously because I’m footing the bill. It was exciting buying such large quantities of things at such discounted prices. How fabulous to have enough toilet paper for 3 months! My favorite bargain was the “Honest Kid’s Organic Juice Boxes” what a bargooon! They have everything at that store. It reminded me of Woolworths. Do you remember that store? I do, as a little girl, I remember thinking it was so odd you could buy a hamster, deodorant, new tires, and milk all at the same store. BJ’s Wholesale is much the same. Minus the hamster.  They even had organic rotisserie chicken there, BJ’s Wholesale not Woolworth’s. So I left today feeling accomplished, juice boxes, abundance of cereal, toilet paper, paper towels, and even a rotisserie chicken! So excited in fact I sent Kody this message.

you can disregard the first two lines they were from a previous conversation. My text in blue (needs no explanation)

I guess I should have been more specific, as I was in this post.

I’m the original.

A lot of big changes for us Spragues these past few months. The biggest being that we uprooted the family and moved a couple towns over. New house, new school, new community. It’s been a really great thing for us all. Carter started first grade, he’s doing excellent. Bristol started preschool she’s a pig in shit loves socializing and being the boss sauce. Colton and I get lot’s of one -on-one time now which is fun! Kody has a little bit longer of a commute but at the end of the day we all couldn’t be happier with all of the new opportunities and our new home!

Bristol probably had the most change as she started dance class, gymnastics, and preschool. I don’t know how they are going because she refuses to tell me anything. When I pick her up from school she says “I don’t want to talk about it” . It was alarming at first, especially because the system for drop off and pick up at her new school is “rolling” which means I don’t park its a flow of traffic you pull up, get your kid out, they take them into the building and you move your ass out of the way, (no matter what all the other preschool parents say it’s not cool when you get stuck behind THAT car) that car that takes their dear time, it may be an elderly grandparent, or even just a clingy child who is reluctant to go, whatever it is, it just sucks. Any ways, so as you can see there isn’t a lot of time to get a lot of feedback on whats going on. Of course there is a monthly newsletter but its not specific to your kid. I wasn’t overly concerned I mean she’s happy but she simply refused to talk about her day. Actually it quite pissed her off that I even asked. She lets out a loud “Ughhhh” and then finishes with “do you have to ask me everyday???” She’s 3 and I genuinely think I piss her off. All is fine, I have since emailed the teachers and they say she is doing great, I had no doubt, she’s mine after all. So I quit asking about her day. Sometimes I hear a little tune she’s humming or she’ll randomly share information about apples or sunflower seeds so I know she’s taking it all in. Last week she started to just be plain mean to me though. At gymnastics she freaks out and says she’s scared of me, she doesn’t want to go with me, and at school she had a total panic attack when I showed up to pick her up. At first I was mortified. Mainly because I don’t want people to think I am running some sort of concentration camp here, but after I established that, it kind of just hurt my feelings. Boo hoo. I know sounds wimpish for such a tough nut like me. It stung a little though.

(Feel sorry for me okay)

I did a little thinking and found the PERFECT solution. NO JUDGEMENT. Little Pistol Bristol, two can play your game. I created you, you little shit! Here is how I rectified my little situation. No judgement I said. It’s like my mom always taught me growing up (in reference to boys) Don’t make yourself so available, play a little hard to get. BINGO! So instead of being the first mom in line at pick up or waiting right outside the door at gymnastics I showed up late, and I hide. Let her panic a little. How do you like me now?? Betcha didn’t know I’m the original Pistol in this family did ya Bristol??? I pulled in to school yesterday afternoon and there were here little 4 eyes peeking up over the window sill. Okay so I felt a tad bit bad but IT WORKED! She came running, jumping int my arms. I win. I did the same thing at gymnastics, hid behind the pop cooler, bazinga!!

It may have taken me a long weekend to figure this out but ultimately I am the champion. At least for today. I am the original pistol, don’t you forget that Bristol Isabella Sprague.

I’ll be on time tomorrow.

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